Many Millennials know that they can keep their identity and still parent. I think that this is a very healthy attitude.
Many parents in previous generations – especially Moms and stay at home Dads – have been so focused on their kids to the extent that they lost their previous identity and the empty nest syndrome became a grieving reality.
Millennial Dads & Moms are taking the time to relate to their children by staying connected to pop culture so they can connect to their kids. Parents have no problem tuning into You Tube for the latest guidance and information on parenting. This is a good thing, but it’s also good to remember that people on U Tube are strangers and there are many other resources. Other known & trusted parents have real stories & experiences to share.
These parents in general also want to connect by being very truthful with their children and this helps with emotional intimacy. But it is important to consider the age of the child and not be candid if it’s not appropriate for the age/stage the child. What can the child handle?
For example, when my son was 5 years old I thought I should tell him the truth about Santa Claus. That night we settled in with the story of St. Nick, and I thought I was doing a great thing by explaining why everyone pretended that Santa was real, but it was just a fun thought for children. My son’s eyes glazed over, he acted as if I had never said that, and proceeded to ask me “Will Santa be able to fit down our chimney on Christmas Eve?” I realized my mistake and said, “Yes, and we are baking cookies for Santa too” as if I had not said anything either! This is where magical thinking is a natural protection for kids & good for their imagination. I learned an important lesson that night, magical thinking matters! My son did not want a reality check at this time!
My professional opinion is that the same goes for details in a tragedy or particularly dark story you may want to reveal about your childhood; it may not be appropriate for them until some time much later in their life.
Generally kids like to believe that you, their parent, are their hero and in this way, it may not be good to destroy that image.
After many years of counseling parents, I have witnessed first hand, the ones who told their kids about their previous drug use etc. (Do what I say, but not as I did), did not realize this can give kids “permission” to do the same. After all, Dad did it and experienced all of that and survived just fine, so why not me?
It’s important to be the parent and not their best friend – until they have grown up.